A collection of grievances, memories, occasional musings, and everyday happenings

How I Cried My Way Through The First Trimester

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kleenexAfter weeks of perpetual nausea, fiery heartburn, cancelled appointments and unbelievable exhaustion, I find myself finally able to make my fingers write again without collapsing on the sofa with my OKC Thunder blanket over my face. Man, growing a human inside your body is loads of work.

Yes, you read right. There’s a baby Kooi on the way! The internet says Baby Kooi is the size of a peach, and it’s doing great at 13 weeks. We’ve known since late January, though Will guessed it about two weeks earlier when I started doing things like eating 3 bowls of homemade chicken noodle soup followed by 3 giant pieces of birthday cake just to feel full or accidentally making his birthday blueberry muffins with a dash of cat food. When he suggested I might be pregnant I didn’t believe him. But when my suddenly racing heartbeat woke me up in the middle of the night and nausea set in and stayed day after day, we figured I was either indeed pregnant, or extremely ill. Thankfully it was a tiny 6 week old baby making all the racket instead of the other option, and we’ve been on Baby Cloud 9 ever since. Mostly.

My first trimester was a total of 40% fun, the fun part being finding out about the baby, telling family members and watching their reactions, pretending a bump was forming when it was really just extra air blowing me up like a hot air balloon, and waking up each morning knowing there are now 4 of us in bed (me, Will, tiny baby, cat). The other 60% was the very not fun stuff I said at the beginning like nausea, heartburn and exhaustion, plus an extra heavy dosage of weepy emotion. I mean whoa-levels of weepy. Some days I didn’t cry at all while others I cried up to 4 or 5 times, usually over seemingly nothing. Here’s what I can remember shedding tears over:

1. Will made an amazing looking turkey sandwich and I wanted to eat it but couldn’t.

2. I didn’t know why I was crying.

3. I was totally over feeling nauseous.

4. The 10th Doctor misses his planet so much and it kills me!

5. I watched a heartwarming Doctor Who interview of this adorable little boy actor who loved his Doctor Who acting experience.

6. I was too tired to put on makeup while standing so I sat on the bathroom floor instead.

7. Our baby was the size of a blueberry at Week 7 and I was overwhelmed by its cuteness.

8. I watched one of my favorite movies and thought of my future baby watching it with me. Had to hug a pillow to get through that one.

9. The 10th Doctor’s “I don’t want to go!” line. The only thing worse I could’ve watched during this time is the “Abyssinia, Henry” episode of M*A*S*H.

10. There’s A LOT to read about babies. And strollers. And diapers. And other stuff.

So if you’re in your first trimester, don’t watch your husband eat food, do realize you’re weak and there’s nothing wrong with that and stay away from movies and shows to which you’re emotionally attached. And if you’re a Doctor Who fan, I’d recommend not watching anything Doctor Who related, specifically in the David Tennant era, until you get past this emotionally fragile stage.

One more thing that’s still making me cry is the pregnancy announcement Will and I put together. We disguised it in one of our Vienna update vlogs but were purposeful in telling our friends and family to watch it to the end. If you’re interested in seeing our announcement you can watch it below. Skip to 2:30 if you want to bypass our German-speaking updates.

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Author: Holly

Vienna-based American wife/mom/expat.

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