A collection of grievances, memories, occasional musings, and everyday happenings

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How I Cried My Way Through The First Trimester

kleenexAfter weeks of perpetual nausea, fiery heartburn, cancelled appointments and unbelievable exhaustion, I find myself finally able to make my fingers write again without collapsing on the sofa with my OKC Thunder blanket over my face. Man, growing a human inside your body is loads of work.

Yes, you read right. There’s a baby Kooi on the way! The internet says Baby Kooi is the size of a peach, and it’s doing great at 13 weeks. We’ve known since late January, though Will guessed it about two weeks earlier when I started doing things like eating 3 bowls of homemade chicken noodle soup followed by 3 giant pieces of birthday cake just to feel full or accidentally making his birthday blueberry muffins with a dash of cat food. When he suggested I might be pregnant I didn’t believe him. But when my suddenly racing heartbeat woke me up in the middle of the night and nausea set in and stayed day after day, we figured I was either indeed pregnant, or extremely ill. Thankfully it was a tiny 6 week old baby making all the racket instead of the other option, and we’ve been on Baby Cloud 9 ever since. Mostly.

My first trimester was a total of 40% fun, the fun part being finding out about the baby, telling family members and watching their reactions, pretending a bump was forming when it was really just extra air blowing me up like a hot air balloon, and waking up each morning knowing there are now 4 of us in bed (me, Will, tiny baby, cat). The other 60% was the very not fun stuff I said at the beginning like nausea, heartburn and exhaustion, plus an extra heavy dosage of weepy emotion. I mean whoa-levels of weepy. Some days I didn’t cry at all while others I cried up to 4 or 5 times, usually over seemingly nothing. Here’s what I can remember shedding tears over:

1. Will made an amazing looking turkey sandwich and I wanted to eat it but couldn’t.

2. I didn’t know why I was crying.

3. I was totally over feeling nauseous.

4. The 10th Doctor misses his planet so much and it kills me!

5. I watched a heartwarming Doctor Who interview of this adorable little boy actor who loved his Doctor Who acting experience.

6. I was too tired to put on makeup while standing so I sat on the bathroom floor instead.

7. Our baby was the size of a blueberry at Week 7 and I was overwhelmed by its cuteness.

8. I watched one of my favorite movies and thought of my future baby watching it with me. Had to hug a pillow to get through that one.

9. The 10th Doctor’s “I don’t want to go!” line. The only thing worse I could’ve watched during this time is the “Abyssinia, Henry” episode of M*A*S*H.

10. There’s A LOT to read about babies. And strollers. And diapers. And other stuff.

So if you’re in your first trimester, don’t watch your husband eat food, do realize you’re weak and there’s nothing wrong with that and stay away from movies and shows to which you’re emotionally attached. And if you’re a Doctor Who fan, I’d recommend not watching anything Doctor Who related, specifically in the David Tennant era, until you get past this emotionally fragile stage.

One more thing that’s still making me cry is the pregnancy announcement Will and I put together. We disguised it in one of our Vienna update vlogs but were purposeful in telling our friends and family to watch it to the end. If you’re interested in seeing our announcement you can watch it below. Skip to 2:30 if you want to bypass our German-speaking updates.



The Night I Saw Paul McCartney

Waiting for Sir Paul!

Waiting for Sir Paul!

There is not a word in the English dictionary that properly encapsulates how I felt at the Paul McCartney concert. While it’s very possible that there’s a word in the German dictionary specifically for moments of this sort and is defined as “when there is no available word that properly encapsulates how one feels”, unfortunately I don’t know it, if it exists. What I’m trying to say is, Paul McCartney has got it GOING. ON. even at the age of 71 and his concert landed itself within the top 3 of my “best moments in life” chart. (The engagement and marriage to my husband are automatically at numbers 1 and 2.) I still can’t wrap my mind around how I was in the presence of a Beatle, and when I do attempt to wrap my mind around it I start crying, so really it’s best that I continue to stay in shock until I recover which should be within the next week or so.

IMG_2590Vienna was nuts about him. The “Österreich”, a well-known Austrian tabloid, printed a Paul McCartney specific paper complete with the night’s set list, an exclusive interview, and tour pictures. Lines outside Vienna’s “Stadion” began around 2:00pm, myself there (and second in line at my station!) at 3:00pm. I partook in and proved my own theory of when one hears the sound of Paul’s voice, one automatically reaches for one’s ears and/or hair. I decided this to be some sort of defense mechanism against premature fainting or emotional overload, and found it to be helpful during the entirety of his soundcheck during which my fellow-McCartney lovers and I overheard “Honey Don’t”, “Lady Madonna”, and “Penny Lane” among several others. My husband and I were fortunate enough to land spots in the front row of our particular section – that being a “Stehplatz” or standing room not right at the front of the stage but in the middle of the ground floor in the stadium. The fans around us were a mix of hardcore Beatles and Wings fans, one of them who looked EXACTLY like the nervous, nerdy guy from Office Space (except he sounded like a robot which made for a very eery sounding Eleanor Rigby singalong). And unlike a lot of concerts I’ve been to where fans push and shove and hate each other for being too close or too tall or too loud, we all got along and simply enjoyed the concert together, each of us basking in the presence of Sir Paul’s musical genius.

Happy tears during "Hey Jude"

Happy tears during “Hey Jude”

Total, I think I cried on 10 separate occasions during the concert, which is why this post is brought to you by Mary Kay’s Waterproof Mascara: For all of your pre, current, and post Paul McCartney concert needs. I of course cried the moment he appeared on stage. I just couldn’t believe he was really right there in front of me, you know, existing. He said, “SERVUS WIEN!” into the mic then went right into playing “Eight Days A Week”. Each song he played conjured memories beginning from my childhood to now which only made my teary tendencies harder to control. As you know, I had anticipated crying throughout the concert and was at first comfortable with this outcome. But pretty early on in his performance I realized I had encountered the unexpected dilemma of struggling to both be able to sing and cry at the same time. I don’t know if you know this but… it’s a difficult feat to achieve. So for example, while Paul was playing “All My Loving”, my heart was yelling, “SING WITH HIM! IT’S YOUR ONLY CHANCE!” and my memory bank was sobbing, “Oh my WOOOOORD! Isn’t this the first song Paul sings on the Ed Sullivan Show?! Remember watching it over and over again on The Beatles Anthology when you were a little girl? Oh the EMOTION!”  This was a constant inward battle in which both my heart and memory bank were able to check “Win” throughout the night, but also, to be fair, it didn’t help that during nearly every one of his songs, clips of movies and pictures played on the screen behind him. I mean that’s obviously going to take an emotional toll, especially when he’s dedicating “Something” to George Harrison and there’s picture after picture of him and George back from when they were little guys till the end of George’s life. Talk about WATERWORKS.



As far as favorite parts of the night go, I’m unable to tell you which parts of the night were my favorite because every part of the night was my favorite. But I suppose the part of the night I was looking forward to the most were the last 3 songs of his first set: “Let It Be”, “Live and Let Die”, and “Hey Jude”. I knew “Let It Be” was going to be everything I had dreamed it would be and more, and it was. I sang along for about three-fourths of it before I fell apart. My emotional strength was regained during “Live and Let Die” because the stage effects were AWESOME and Abe looked like someone needed to hand him a grown tree and quick for him to break in half with his bare hands at the explosive ending of the song. (Abe is a BEAST.) But then “Hey Jude”… Good ole’ Jude brought down the house and I could barely keep up with the crowd’s unified Na-Na-Na’s. I could not stop thinking about the first time I saw the recording of “Hey Jude” on The Beatles Anthology and how…how mesmerized I was by this group of guys who left such an undeniably, incomprehensibly enormous mark on the history of music, and how whenever I watched this song in particular I wanted so badly to see it performed live I couldn’t stand it. And yet there he stood. There was Paul. He played the song just like he did on the video, and the crowd sang along with him at the end just like they did in the video, he screamed Jude’s name in crazy ways just like in the video, and it was perfect – just like in the video.

The end of "The End"

The end of “The End”

Paul told us that as all concerts do, there unfortunately has to be an end. So after two encores, Paul ended the night by appropriately taking us all home with “Golden Slumbers”, “Carry That Weight”, and “The End” – the last three 3 songs off of The Beatles “Abbey Road” album, the last album the group recorded together prior to their split. The last song “The End” has a particularly special meaning to Will and me as the last words of the song “And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make” were the words we chose to be written on our wedding cake. It was the most immaculate ending to the best night of my life…Yes except for the time I got engaged and married to my husband.

The only issue that I am KICKING myself over is not getting a T-shirt from his merch booth. I was so focused on getting in line first and so determined to not carry a purse that I forgot money and therefore missed out on getting a Paul McCartney “Out There” tour shirt. My husband says it’s fine because we have other ways of remembering the concert, like through our videos and pictures and this wondrous thing called “memories”. I suppose he’s right, but if those tour shirts ever pop up on his website you can bet I’ll be the first to snag myself one. Until then, I’ll be busy frame shopping for my ticket and newspaper to hang by the side of my bed…forever.

Our soon-to-be-framed Paul McCartney newspaper

Our soon-to-be-framed Paul McCartney newspaper